I am sad. More than that, I feel broken and betrayed. The man I thought was the one has decided he wants to be with someone else. I know I am just one of the millions of women that this has happened to, but it doesn't make it easier. I have never met a man before him that I even thought I could have a future with. In 34 years, I have met a lot of men, but never one who was a match until Lars. I was sure he was it. The fact that he'd rather be with Allison (who I am sure is very nice) hit me out or nowhere. One day I was getting advice on where to stay for our trip together to Scotland, the next day, I am trying to cancel my ticket. So sudden and my life is changed. I want to not hurt. I want to be able to take this physical pain I feel in the middle of my chest and make him feel it. I want to hate him, but I can't. I can't even communicate with him as I know my hurt will force me to say things I will regret. Why can't I just hate him? Why do I care to not say all the things out of hurt that I want to say?
They say that God is in control of everything and that all is as it should be. I don't understand how that can be. How is it that no man has ever loved me? How is that the plan of a loving Father? Shouldn't he want his daughter to be loved by the right guy? How is my pain part of a better plan? I don't know the answer to anything. I don't know anything any more except for the fact that my pain is real and my relationship wasn't.